Death Clock: The Internet's friendly reminder that life is slipping away...

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"I'm so happy dancing while the grim reaper
cuts, cuts, cuts, but he can't get me.
I'm as clever as can be, and I'm very quick but don't forget;
we've only got so many tricks.
no one lives forever."
Danny Elfman

Ah, I love email. I just get so darn excited when my email program chimes at me. Everyday I get hundreds of emails from people around the world, and let me say this. I'm scared. Real scared. Below are just a few examples of the kind of email I get. Every email is printed exactly as I got it, including all misspellings and insane ravings.


DLO for the week of February 18, 2001

Crazy Choir Member writes...

I am very sorry to say but this is a sick and sadistic site that you have put together here. You are a blasphemer and the only way that you will not rot in the bowels of hell is if you repent and take the Lord Almightly as your personal savior. The Lord forgives all if you just ask him. Just as I forgive you for putting this site up in the first place. God Bless you.

another entry...

You are not Christian,are you?Why would you make a site that practicly says,"You're God."You are not God,you are not a spirit,you are just a regular person who says dates and seconds.You should not do this stuff.God WILL punish you for this.

another entry...

Your site is plain evil and wrong. Its is very disrespectful to God, your page electrifies the immortality of man, a fate to be decided by God Himself. This is blasfemy, and you will go to hell for all eternity, for making this site, and using the mark of the beast, the internet! Yes, this web thing is the mark of the beast. YOU HAVE THE MARK. It is 666, the number of the devil himself, so says the bible! You shall rot for your sins, your are damned in the eyes of God. Put your of name in this infernal clock, and it should come up as the day you made this 'Death Clock', because that is the day you threw away your soul and truely killed yourself! I would wish that God may have mercy on your soul, but deep within me I do not, for you are the Anti-Christ!

Mr. "AOL users aren't stupid... really" writes...

Excuse me sir, your little Death Clock said my grandma dies 9 years ago, but she is still alive today. Your website is a LIE!!!!

    The Death Clock replies...

    -sigh- I have a dream... that one day... AOL install disks... will come pre-installed with an IQ test.

Mr. "Eh?" writes...

Su pagina esta muy perrona, chirolira y demas, nos gusto muchisimo, esperamos mas sobre la misma. Lastima que en donde lo vimos la maquina corre muy lenta y no entra a los diferentes menus, ya que nos marca un error. Por cierto a mi amigo Luis Sky le intereso mucho, he aqui su e-mail

    The Death Clock replies...

    Um.... ok, let me see if I can explain this (again) for the Nth time. I do not speak Spanish. I do not speak French. I speak English. If you can't speak English, don't email me. I have nothing against your language, I just can't speak it! I mean, when you went to the web site and saw English all over the place, didn't it occur to you that maybe I only speak my native tongue??

Ms. "I'm a Pro" from Germany writes...

my name is madame volmarz, and i come from germany. recently learning to use the internet I came across the deathclock. I find it rather offending as I am also in the fortune telling profession.This is my warning to you....................REMOVE THE DEATH CLOCK NOW.....OR I SHALL CURSE YOU WITH A THOUSAND BUNDESHAFTS

    The Death Clock replies...

    OH MY GOD! NOT BUNDESHAFTS! ANYTHING BUT THAT!!!! (errr.... what's a bundeshaft??)

DLO Archives

Week of May 11, 2003
Week of August 18, 2002
Week of August 11, 2002
Week of December 16, 2001
Week of September 30, 2001
Week of August 12, 2001
Week of July 1, 2001
Week of May 27, 2001
Week of May 13, 2001
Week of April 29, 2001
Week of April 8, 2001
Week of April 1, 2001
Week of March 25, 2001
Week of March 18, 2001
Week of March 11, 2001
Week of March 4, 2001
Week of February 25, 2001
Week of February 18, 2001
Week of February 11, 2001
Week of February 4, 2001
Week of January 28, 2001




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