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"One should die proudly when it is no longer possible to live proudly."
Nietzsche

Ah, I love email. I just get so darn excited when my email program chimes at me. Everyday I get hundreds of emails from people around the world, and let me say this. I'm scared. Real scared. Below are just a few examples of the kind of email I get. Every email is printed exactly as I got it, including all misspellings and insane ravings.


DLO for the week of April 29, 2001

Sarah (lillehales@aol.com) writes...

OK.....do you have a life? This is one of the most pathetic and sadest waste of time websites that I have every seen. I know that you don't really think you can figure out when people die (if you do...i have great sympathy for you being that you have a real mental problem that you will probably never be able to overcome being you have such low intelligence in all....seeing you actually think this is a productive use of your time), so why then do you have this retarded web site that only insults people and makes you look like an even bigger moron than you already are? Death isn't something to joke about......now do you have any more intelligent things you would like to say or comment about my e-mail? Or should we call it quits? THat's what I thought.....GET A LIFE!!!!! You have real problems and i would feel more comfortable about you existence on this planet if you saw a doctor.....i could give you the number of one if you'd like...

    The Death Clock replies...

    Sarah, you have defeated me with your elegant prose and use of the word "retarded." I'm so sad I'm going to shut down this web site, and as you say, get a life. Tomorrow. Err, the day after. Yea, that's it!

Dana writes...

I was uphaulled at what you wrote about Hanson. Hanson is my favorite band and they should be respected. They write their own music and are the only boy band that is somewhat real and we should all appreciate them. I am 15 years old and have been a fan for over 3 years and love them deeply because they changed my life. You should remind yourself how young the boys are and how talented and successful they have become. Thanks.

    The Death Clock replies...

    Hanson who?

Zoey writes...

Ok listen BUG! How dare you call the Lord a "big cheese!" And i listen to rap all the same....You say you believe in God and speak so lightly about hell! Have you ever read the bible to hear what they say about it. Well I have and you speak like it is no big deal to go to there. I pray for you that you cancel this site. I am 13 yrs old and I am behaving better than you! Please go to www.christananswers.net you will find alot of stuff there. please read it and email me back. God wants your soul and i will help him get it. Believing in God doesn't get you to heven. I would love to tell you all about it. Please email me. Christian and servent to God Zoey

    The Death Clock replies...

    Sorry. I will no longer refer to God as the "Big Cheese." From know on, he is the "Big Kahuna."

Nameless (sycoluver@aol.com) writes...

In the death clock obits, you need to update it, it is offensive about Princess Diana...... Thank you for your time

    The Death Clock replies...

    I'll tell you what's offensive - that Elton John song. If I hear that one more time...

Jo (sophistina@aol.com) writes...

I know not what I have come to say, and for this I apologize. I want to reproach you, I want to hurt you, I want to enrage you, and I want to make you fear death, but quite obviously I can do none of these. I can merely stand here from my little soapbox and wave my little fist, without cause, and without effect.

It takes a callous heart to wear the clothes of the reaper and carry the scythe with the arrogance of a messenger of fate! But I can attribute no more than callousness to you. I wish you understood what true power you hold over the naive and the unhappy: simple answers are so much more easily swallowed, and I do not doubt that suicide has found its way to a reader or two. I was suicidal for years, and not too long ago gave that up for philosophy. But if I still sought answers from whatever otherwordly portals here, I might perceive this as one, and take the random response of your program as something near the truth. I cannot make you repentant for what you do, nor in my right mind can I discern any sin you commit worth repenting. Perhaps a Christian society drives home the lingering distrust of things pertaining to uncomfortable subjects, even in the non-Christians. But... I wish you'd put a quote acknowledging the precious nature of life... (?)

Life is depressing enough as it is...

    The Death Clock replies...

    I think this is the week of long letter writers.

THE FLAME OF THE WEEK

Billy Bob Sue (cremesoda@hotmail.com) writes...

Let's see here...this is stupid. I am not a deeply religious being, yet this still is stupid to me. I feel you are either a 44 year old man who is lonely, ugly, fat, and has nothing better to do than create such a -stupid- site, or you are a 14 year old brat who gets teased in school because you are so freakin fat, ugly, or whatever else is wrong with you. I know people like that...it's so sad how nerdy they are...I know that's you...don't hide it. Or atleast that's how you were treated back in junior high...unless you're a suicidal high schooler. I believe you should just kill yourself. I know that's what you want to do, so do it. I don't think anyone would miss you, except maybe the two people who actually think you have this copyrighted. I hope you do kill yourself, we need a lot less stupid people in this world...I hate stupid people. -Request please- Put yourself in the obituaries...that would be fun. Have to go now. Hope you die.

    The Death Clock replies...

    Wow, you were soooo close. Actually, I'm a 28.

DLO Archives

Week of May 11, 2003
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